Changing
by tempationsgirl
Summary: Reid and Prentiss both reflect on their lives before the New Year.


1-

Reid drove through the shining white highway, his hands robotically moving the steering wheel as he thought to himself.

_Where am I going?_

Where was he being taken?

"Reid, you should stay," J.J told him. Reid looked at her with tired eyes and raised eyebrows. "Come dance with us," she pleaded, gesturing to the left of the club where Morgan and Garcia had already began to groove to the heavy beat. They grinned at Reid and waved when he spotted them.

Reid smiled for them. He smiled for Morgan and Garcia, and for J.J beside him, and for Rossi who stood chatting with the bartender, and he smiled for all of their happiness. He didn't smile for his own happiness.

Not that he wasn't happy – or at least, not that he had any reason to not be happy.

Reid drove. The snow blew sideways, flying through the dark night like crystal white butterflies.

He pulled up to the building of the FBI, slamming the car door behind him, adjusting his scarf, and crossing his arms across his chest as he meandered through the snow to the entrance of the building. He checked his watch.

Midnight. A new day.

A new year.

"Hey kid," Morgan exclaimed as Reid walked by him towards the entrance of the club, pointing behind Reid, "that girl over there looks like she'd give you a pretty good new year's kiss, if you know what I mean." Reid didn't turn to look at the girl. He didn't want to kiss her.

Reid wondered if Emily had shown up at the club after all.

He slid his card into the lock and rubbed his eyes. This was going to be a fun year.

Sarcasm doesn't sound funny when you're being sarcastic to yourself.

Jesus Christ, Reid, you aren't worth anything.

Reid sighed a breath of relief when he was able to open the door. If he had to go back to his own place he might break down. Being at the BAU made him feel less alone. Even if nobody else was even there.

_Pathetic, pathetic._

_Can't stand myself._

Headaches would at least preoccupy him.

Reid threw his briefcase down by his desk in frustration, and tiredly walked to the break room to get a cup of coffee.

2-

"I just need some time, Emily. Time to understand this whole situation with you. Being here. Here, and alive."

Two months ago. And even now, it wasn't any better.

What a two months it had been.

Emily Prentiss sighed, lacking the energy to express any more deeply the emotions she felt.

Angry. Angry at herself for letting him down, angry with him for not understanding the situation and blaming her for everything.

Guilty. Guilty of not finding a way around without him – them – all getting hurt.

Exhaustion.

No –

Prentiss sighed.

Less thinking about her inner turmoil. More drinking and letting it all fade away –

She forced herself to.

"Hey, Ems," Garcia walked up to Emily's desk gleefully that morning. "We're all going dancing later. Or rather, clubbing, which _could_ include dancing if you so desire, but not necessarily –"

"Sorry, Penelope." Prentiss leaned back in her chair, exhausted. "I'm taking the night off."

"But _Emily, my love!_ It's New Year's Eve, don't you want to –"

"I don't '_want to'_ anything."

Prentiss sat on the floor against the door to the break room, knees bent, sipping a bottle of beer, too tired to get up and walk to her desk.

She looked up at the clock.

12:01. She had been too preoccupied with her alcohol and attempts to bury her thoughts and feelings that she had missed the first minute of the new year.

It was supposed to be something hopeful, something to look forward to, a new beginning, a new light.

But it wasn't really anything. Just another day. It wasn't awful. It wasn't exciting. It wasn't beautiful. It was just the same.

Emily thought of Reid, sitting at the bar, kissing some young, blonde girl. She laughed.

_Just stop it._

_God damn, just fucking stop it._

_What do I need to be happy?_

_What do I need?_

3-

"Prentiss?" Reid stood before his teammate, looking down upon her, as she lay against the door to the break room, eyes and mouth softly closed. A bottle of beer sat to her right, empty. Reid watched as her chest moved slightly up and down as she breathed, exhaling gently and tiredly.

He put a hand on her shoulder as to wake her up, tapping her several times. Her eyes opened drowsily.

"Spencer?"

_You don't usually call me Spencer._

"Emily, what are you doing here?"

Emily closed her mouth and looked down. She placed her hand on Reid's outstretched arm as he leaned over her.

"Emily, are you okay?"

She kept her head down but her eyes darted upwards to meet Reid's own.

Are you, Reid? We know you aren't.

"Can you just… sit with me?"

"What?

Emily beckoned for Spencer to seat himself beside her against the door.

"Maybe I should take you home, Prentiss," he insisted.

"I'm not drunk or anything."

"You're not okay, though."

Emily lifted her head tiredly. "Neither are you," she said, "or you wouldn't be here." She smiled weakly. "I guess that whole new year's kiss thing is more important than I thought," she continued, "because right now I feel like shit."

Nothing to say. Not about feeling lost, about needing comfort. There was scientific reasoning. But that wouldn't help anything. Reid sat down next to Prentiss, speechless.

"I'm sorry," Emily told him, "for complaining to you about my _love life_." She sighed. "It's not even about that, honestly."

"I'm not sad about that, either, really," Reid told Emily, "but honestly, I'm too tired to talk about the nuisances that are actually causing the pain that I'm feeling."

"I'm with you there."

Reid looked at the wall across from him and Emily, which had been decorated with a lone string of Christmas lights. They glowed golden yellow in the dim room.

"I always get excited for the new year," Emily murmured, "So when it comes I spiral into a slight depression when I realize that nothing about it is going to be better than the previous year."

Reid gazed sideways at her tired face. "Maybe," he said, "We can try and find a way to change that."

"Do you think we can? Do you think it's possible to really put all of the torment behind you?"

Reid smiled. "Maybe we don't forget about it. Maybe we acknowledge that it happened, and try to find a way to make a new life out of everything that's happened."

"…and everything that we've become," Emily added.

"We're constantly changing," Reid quoted.

"Well, here's to change," Emily muttered softly, and they both chuckled, pretending to clink fake, invisible wine glasses.

Reid and Emily exchanged a soft glance, and then they both turned to face the wall across from them. They sat in silence for the rest of the night, hoping for a better future, smiling as they fell asleep against the door.

* * *

><p><strong>This is the not the first fic I've written but the first one I've uploaded. Criticism is welcomed, please and thank you :)<strong>

***This fiction was inspired by me being sad during New Years Eve and listening to lots of Snow Patrol.***

**Edit: Also, the rating was changed. SORRY ABOUT THAT. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking rating this as M... haha... again, sorry.  
><strong>


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